Hello, I’m Sam. This is my first meeting. I have a confession, I am a thought addict.
With bipolar I often read about the stigma associated with mental illness and believed that I was to act a certain way to prove that I am not dependable. With MS I often read about fatigue and then I developed a belief that I was supposed to be tired all the time. For every ailment or symptom that I was experiencing my mind convinced me to go read about it. After I read about a particular ailment and the potential issues with that ailment — strangely my mind adopted that opinion as its own.
When I looked around the world, my mind had a story about what it saw. My thoughts were non-stop with commentary. Being a thought addict, I clung to the commentary as the truth. I was one with my thoughts. I was blissfully unaware that I was a slave to the mind.
The mind would often bark orders, and as a faithful servant I would carry out those orders.
“Look at those sexy people on TV! You are fat, go to the gym!”
“Look at him, he is smarter than you. He knows more about this disease than you. You should go study more!”
“The doctor said that you are mentally ill. You are unworthy and undependable! Why do you bother to continue to live? You should go kill yourself!”
I pushed myself to go the gym.
I read all I could about my ailments.
I almost died.
I had enough of the mental noise, but what could I do? I was a thought junkie.
I began to look around, and kept myself open to possibilities. I simply knew there had to be a way out from my suffering without killing myself.
The universe, God, source, or whatever you wish to call the higher intelligence is always providing a way to get out from the thought addiction. Being an addict I was simply too caught up in the mental noise to notice.
One night I had a paranormal experience that I could not logically explain.
The universe was always trying to get my attention – but I failed to notice. I read some books to try to figure it out.
One day I read about meditation. There was one benefit that screamed out to me “Inner Peace!”
I fought off the mind when I tried meditation. The mind wanted to remain in control and it constantly barked out orders. The order it loved to bark out during this time “You’re wasting your time. It’s a better use of your time to _________. Go do that instead!” Catch up on the news, catch up on the Walking Dead, play video games, etc.
I’m liberated! I beat the thought addiction!
It didn’t happen overnight, but it did happen when I gave myself time to practice meditation. I started with 5 minutes a day and after several months I was up to 20 minutes. Then one day, I simply knew “all is well.” Then the mind shifted and became very, very quiet then a miraculous healing occurred. After this day I had no more symptoms, I moved onto the next phase — recovery.
When are you going to practice?