As a sit here reflecting on the book launch of “I Don’t Dwell,” I’m in awe. When I think of my recovery, a deep sense of gratitude fills my body and tears begin to well up. I think of Lou Gehrig who had ALS, when he said “I feel like I’m the luckiest man alive”.
How did I survive that car accident at 6 years old?
How did I survive being suicidal with bipolar?
How did I survive with being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis?
I survived because I had no choice. I like to think that I was in control of my life, but looking back I can see that I had very little control. I was placed on this Earth for reasons unknown to me, only known by God. As Einstein once said “God doesn’t throw dice”. There are no mistakes and no luck; there is a divine plan unknown to us.
The only thing I know for certain is that I can control how I react and respond to my thoughts. That sounds so simple, but it wasn’t easy. It took time to see that I had thoughts, but they were not my thoughts. Through my five minute daily practice I was starting to get separation from my thoughts. It took a lot of vigilance to stick with the practice. My thoughts were in my face, yelling and screaming at me that I wasn’t good enough or wasting my time. These thoughts were impossible to ignore at times, but the more I ignored the mind the quieter the mind became.